Homesickness when living abroad

If you are following my blog you will know that I still haven't started my au pair experience, but I can tell you that I know the feeling of homesickness.

A few years ago, when I was 17, I packed everything up and I went to the USA thousands of kilometres away from home to be an exchange student in an American high school. I left my parents behind in an airport and left for a far a away land for 10 months. I left knowing that for 10 months I would not see anyone from back home, as I could not receive any visits and I was not allowed to visit home, not even for Christmass. So I certainly know what it's like to feel homesick.

And there are two things I want to tell you about it:it is totally normal to feel homesick and it gets better with time. 

If you cry yourself to sleep on the first nights, or if there are times when you can't hold it in anymore and you end up hiding somewhere to cry those tears you have been holding for a while don't worry. That is absolutely normal. Not only are you missing everbody and everything back home, you are also trying to adapt to a whole new environment, you are taking in a huge amount of changes in a very short period of time, and that, of course is a lot to deal with. A new place, a new language, new routines... those are a lot of changes to take in all at once, so sometimes you just give in and cry. 

The best thing you can do is to keep yourself bussy. Plan your days so that you have many things to do, the more things you do, the less time you will have to feel homesick. And the more tired you get the sooner you will fall asleep and you will avoid those long nights where you cry out of feeling nothalgic. 

Another thing you should do is find someone you can talk to. Talking to those back home is great and it will be of great help for you, but talking to someone who is there for you and who is going through the same things as you will be very helpfull aswell. 

And lastly don't get those sad moments condition you. As I said earlier it is normal to feel that way and it gets better with time. Don't plan an early return because you think you won't addapt. Maybe now it will be hard to believe, but soon will come the time when you will have to go back home and then you will have a hard time saying goobye and adapting back to the life back home. So enjoy your stay at the most and give yourself some time to adapt to all the changes. 

Let's bag our luggage.

Packing up all the stuff you are going to need for a whole year... Let's face it, it's IMPOSSIBLE. That is why we need to do two things: choose and minimize.

There will be many things you will need to buy once you get to your host country and others that you will have to manage without. But we need to pack up things that are absolutely necessary and those things that will be either hard to find or too expensive to buy in your host country. Here goes my list of what you should pack up:

• Basic clothing. Be realistic, you won't be able to take with you all the clothes you would like to take with you. Once you get to your "new home" you will end up buying lots of clothes and when you go back home you will probably leave many of those clothes in your host family's home. That's why it's convenient to choose a few clothing items that you really like and specially the clothes you feel that you will use most in your host country. Always check for the weather around the year in the area where you will be staying and choose the clothes to take with you wisely.

• Vanity kit. Don't pack everything that you will be using. Don't take shampooes, hair softeners, body lotions... with you, they will take too much space in your suitcase and they can be easily found in any supermarket. Take only specific or expensive things that you will need, like your favorite make up, or similar things. If you are are going to take hair dryers or straightening remember to make sure that the plugs in your hometown and in your host country are the same. 

• Computer. If you own a laptop take it with you. Being with your loved ones will be something you will miss much more than you ever imagined, specially on the first days. This is why e-mails, skype talks and every online contact will be more than necessary for you.

• Things that remind you of home. As I already mentioned, there will always be people from back home that you will miss. Take little things that remind you of them that you can put in your new room and feel like you are home when you look at them. Take some printed pictures, gifts they made for you, letters they wrote you before you left... Take with you little things that will help you feel like you are with your loved ones. 

• Gifts. Even though it is not a must, take some gifts for your host family, they will give you somethingfor sure when you leave, and a little gift will lead to a good start. For the kids, you can buy a book or a toy you think they might like, and in the case of babies you can buy them a blanket or some clothes you think the parents might like. And for the parents either typical food from your country or any kind of souvenir are great for a first gift.

• Bikini or bathing suit. They always come in handy. Even if you think you might never use it, you never know when a plan to a swimming pool or a trip to the beach might come up. A bikini doesn't take away any space in your suitcase and it is convenient to take one with you just in case.

• Winter accesories. If you are going to be living in a cold place take a pair of gloves and a winter hat with you. They don't take much space and if you take them with you, the morning you wake up and feel the cold weather out announcing that winter has come you will be prepared to face it.

• Medicine. You will not always be able to find all the medicines you need in your host country. So, I highly recommend taking with you all the medicine you will need on the first months.  

• Cell phone. Obviously, you will not be able to use your regular phone for your whole stay, as it would be too expensive. But I highly recommend taking your cell phone specially for the first day, so that you have a mean of communication in case things don't go as expected.

• Money. You don't know when you will have acces to a bank and remember that you will still have expenses before getting your first pay; so, it is very important to bring some money with you for your first stay.

To keep in mind when choosing a family

There are many things to keep in mind when choosinf a family, the importance of each of them depends on us, but I would deeply recommend to keep all of these in mind when deciding if a family is the right one for you:

• The parents: The first thing to metion and what I personally believe is the most important factor is the parents attitude towards you. When you look to profiles, try to find comments made by the parents about being willing to make the au pair feel like she is part of the family; this shows that they are not only looking for a housekeeper or a babysitter, but that they are interested in the cultural exchange and that you will be welcomed to participate with them in different family events. The connection you feel in the e-mail exchanges is also something to take into account. If from the beggining you feel like you don't click with each other find another family. Keep in mind that the first days you spend with the family you will feel vulnerable and that a good relationship with the family will be of great help in those moments.

• The children:  If you are one of those people who hates dirty diapers and who can't stand crying children don't consider choosing a family with babies. If, in the other hand, you are not an active person, who is also patiend and who is willing to run, get dirty and to play a thousand games, don't choose a family with older children who need to be entertained all the time. Most of your time in the host country wil be spent with the children you will be taking care of, so, keep in mind what kind of care those children will need and if you will be able to face those needs in a daily basis. 

• Where they live. If you hate the countryside and you are a city person, don't consider moving to a small town or to a house away from civilization. And obviously, if you are a country person who hates the stress and the movement of big cities and prefers the quiet and long walks with nobody around, you better not choose a family who lives in a big city. Both places have its advantages and disadvantages. Usually, the famillies who live in the countryside have bigger houses and more place to play, while most of the families living in big cities live in appartments. At the same time, living in a big city implies having many things to do both with the children and on your own or with friends; while in little towns or in the countryside the things you will be able to do are limited. 

• What will your duties be? Most families will ask you to help with some "light housework"; insist to the parents to specify which this will include. Some families might only ask you to pick up the toys the kids leave out, while others might ask for much more (cleaning the kids' rooms, doing laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning their dishes...). Always remember which tasks you are NOT supposed to be doing: cleaning and tidying up the parents' bedroom, doing big cleaning work, cleaning windows, doing the parents' laundry... Keep in ming that being an au pair means taking care of the children, not being a housekeeper.  

My host family

I feel extremelly fortunate that I found the family I will be moving with. I was lucky to meet in person this family last summer. We met each other through aupair-world.es (very well on advance, as I met them last summer and I had no plans of becoming an au pair until this summer)and on a skype conversation we had the host mom mentioned that they go on vacation to a town an hour away from mine every year. We made plans and met in a town very close from mine. They basically came where I live! How cool is that? They are truly amazing. As soon as we met I inmediately clicked with the parents, they were nice open and with an adveturous soul just like mine. With the kids everything was harder, as a language was a barrier. The oldest one was 3 at the time and he only spoke French, which I'm not good at, and the little one was only 4 months old at the time. 

Ever since that first meet up the host mom and I have exchanged letters in a weekly basis, she updates me on how the family is doing and I tell her how I am doing, we have agreed on my duties while I am there and she has made great efforst to help me know more about the place where I will be staying. 

I have learned that they live in a pretty big appartment with a great yard and a very nice terrace. They both work long days and my dutie will be to take care of the children after they get out of school and kindergarden and to feed the oldest one lunch at lunch time (so picking him up from school, feeding him lunch and driving him back to school). I will also be doing some light housework that mainly includes cleaning after the children. I will be living in a small town and they will let me use the family car, which is very convenient both to drive the children around and to get to my French classes.

Overall, I feel extremely lucky that I found them, and I really hope that once I get to their house we will keep getting along as well as we do now. 

Should I be an au pair?

Ever since I discovered what being an au pair means I decided that sooner or later I would be one. I knew that when the right moment came I would pack up my things and move to another country to learn a new language while taking care of children.

I love traveling and I love children, so, the best combination of these two things is being an au pair. 

I had been thinking of being an au pair for years, I had almost left for summer long stays as an au pair, but due to different things that happened when it came to finding the best dates that would fit me, I ended up putting it off. My first intention was to work as an au pair during summers while being in college and as soon as I graduated to pack my stuff and to move for a whole year. 

But I ended up skipping the part of trying the experience on summer stays and jumped straight to starting this adventure on a year long stay. I just graduated from college and I am positive this is the right time. I am in one of those now or never times in my life, so I refused to put it off once again. 

But being an au pair is not for everybody, every thing has its pros and its cons, that is why I am going to list some of the basic requirements that in my opinion are necessary to be an au pair.

• Being passionate about children: This is, obviously, the basic requirement for being an au pair. The little ones you take care of will be the ones you will be spending most of the time with and as you will probably know, taking care of children is not an easy thing. While being an au pair you will be their mother, sister, friend and teacher all at once and this duty does not come without work. Unless you do this with all your heart you will soon give up and give an ending to the adventure. 

• To be willing to learn a new language. When you move to a country where a language other than yours is spoken you will need to learn the language in order to communicate. This can be hard and frustrating at first, but if you have your mind set on doing so and if you are willing to learn the language you will soon start to acquire it, and sooner than you expect it you will be able to understand and carry on any conversation.

• Having a bit of an adventurous soul. Being away from your loved ones, not knowing when you will see them again, starting over in a new country and having to learn a new language in order to communicate with the people around you requires of a little bit of an adventurous soul. There will be times when you will need to be strong, and sometimes you will not be able to keep it together anymore and you will cry. But for each of the hard times you will go through you will live a million great moments, and with a little bit of positivity and hope there will be nothing you won't be able to handle.

• Not being in it for the money. If what you expect is to earn a lot of money and to save up, being an au pair is not for you. If what you want is to earn and save yo money, you are better off finding a waitress job at a bar or restaurant in your hometown. There are lots of things about being an au pair, but earning lots of money is not one of them. Some families pay more than others, and you won't have to spend money in rent and food, but you will still have expenses. Going out means spending money, adapting to a new country and buying everything you will need will be expensive and traveling around will cost you great part of what you earn. So, if you are in it for the money, being an au pair is not for you.

• To be willing to live new experiences. You will go back home with thousands of stories to tell and you will live a million adventures that you were not expecting to live. You will remember this experience for years and you will go back home being a different person. And I know for a fact that people who are open to live new experiences and who face things with a positive attitude have a much better expecience. 

Welcome to my blog

Hi guys!

My name is Enara, I'm 21 years old and in just a few weeks I am going to start the amazing adventure of being an aupair. 

Starting from now, I will be telling you my preparation to be an aupair and once I get to my host country, I will be telling you my experience  so that future aupairs, au pairs who are already working as so and people considering becoming aupairs can read my story and ask questions if they want to.

Starting an adventure can be hard, thousands of questions and fears come up to our mind and we all collect stories that we would like to share with others. This is why, anyone who reads me can feel free to ask any questions, and if you want to you can send me advice for other au pairs and stories you would like me to share with others.