Aupair advice: trust your gut

I heard this piece of advice somewhere and I couldn't agree more with it. 

When choosing a family trust your guts.

I will never address this enough, but trust me, when choosing a family trust your guts. On the very first e-mail you receive from the family you will be able to guess what kind of family you are talking to. 

While some families will write you a long e-mail, others will send you a simple cold message. While some families will describe themselves, others will simply talk about the job and what they expect from you. While some families will mention including you in the family life (huge plus for families), others won't mention it at all (kind of a red flag). So for you guys to see I will adapt the first message I received from my host family and let you know why I chose this family and why I liked them right away:

I will be calling the host mom Emily, the dad Jack and the kids Nate and Cooper (though those aren't their real names, obviously, as they are French, but I don't feel confortable with sharing any info about them, not even the names).

"Hi Enara,

Many thanks for your email. 

I will try to present you our family and the region where we live.

My husband, Jack and myself are both French, therefore we speak only French at home between us and the kids. 

We are both 37 this year. 

Nate is our eldest sun, he will turn 4 on September this year. Nate our baby, was born last June, he is now almost four months old. 

I am from ________ (her hometown). My parents are still living there. Therefore we go there for week ends quite often. 

Jack is from _____________ (his hometown). We also go there to visit his parents and family. 

Both my husband and myself are very busy at work which is why we need help at home with the kids. I will go back to work full time soon after maternity leave.

We decided to welcome au pairs at home because we think it is the best for us and the kids. It is indeed very important for us that there is a real relationship between our children and the persons who are looking after them when we are not at home. 

For instance we consider Cooper's nanny (who was Nate's nanny before) a bit like his third grand mother.

We live in an appartement of 110 square meters, with a 70 square meters terrasse and 350 square meters garden. It is in the countryside , therefore it is very quiet. 

You would have your own bedroom but you would have to share the bathrooms and toilets with the kids. 

There is no public transportation in the village where we live, that is why we have a car dedicated to our au pair.  

We live at ______________. (And she sent me a link with info about the town where they live, again, how much sweeter could she be?)

There are many foreigners in the region because of the international organizations based in _______ (another link with more interesting information).

The main train station is in ________________ at about 10 minutes from where we live. From there there are trains to main French cities (...). 

We also leave at 30 minutes drive from (...) airport. It is important for you to have this information if you plan to travel during week ends or during your holidays in Europe. 

During winter we are used to go skiing. the closest ski resorts are at 20 minutes drive in ___________, It is where Nate is learning to ski on Saturday mornings during winter as soon as there is enough snow. 

(link of the ski resort where they go)

As Cooper is obviously too young to ski I will do some walks in the snow with him. 

You will be able to take French lesson in ________. (And btw they will be paying for the classes!)

You will have to take a French test upon your arrival to be allocated to a class. 

(link to the webpage of the language school!)

During those classes you will have a chance to meet other au pair and get some friends to go out. 

We look for an au pair as from July/August 2015 for ideally 12 months. We need an au pair to pick up Nate from school at 16h30 and Cooper from his nanny at 16h45 on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays and look after them until 20h00. And on Wednesdays we need someone to pick up Nate from School at 11h30am and Cooper from his nanny just after and look after them until I come back from work. During the time you will spend with the kids you would have to play with them, cook their meal (very basic cooking), eat with them and supervise Nate in the shower or bath. We would ask you to help us with the simple daily housework: empty dishwasher, folding and put away laundry of the kids,.... We have a cleaning lady who is coming every week. 

We live at 2 kilometers from the school (2 minutes drive) and 3 kilometers (5 minutes drive) from Cooper’s nanny. You would have a car at your disposal which you could use any time during your time off as well. You could have most of your week ends free. We may just ask you from time to time some babysitting during the week in the evenings or during the week end on a saturday evening for instance. But this would always be planned well in advance. 

In total we would not ask you to work more than 30 hours a week which would represent about _____ euros a month as pocket money.

You will find attached pictures of the kids and of the apartment. We moved in only few months ago. 

Please let me know if you have questions, I would be very happy to answer them!

Thanks for taking the time to read my message and I hope to hear back from you soon!

Emily."

This very first e-mail inmediatelly let me know what a wonderful family I had found, and when I met them I confirmed my theory.

But along the way I did get some simpler messages which did not give me the positive feeling this email did and that I decided tp , here goes an example:

"Hello nanny/aupair.

So I need an aupair as soon as possible, because my aupair must come back.

About my family, I live alone with my two kids, Gabriel, 6 and Leon, 4.

I need an aupair for before/after school, and sometimes for evening. Kids are at my house all monday and thursday and one week per two.

My aupair has her own room and share her bathroom with kids only.

We are an open minded family, friends often come at home, we love music, cinema and going out.

Can you talk about you? Your studies, your kid's experience..."

This doesn't mean that if I had kept talking to this last family they wouldn't have been a great family; I will never know. But I think first impressions are very important, and if a family takes the time to talk to you and explain everything they can about their life, their family and so on it is much more probable that they will take time to show you around once you get there and to make sure that you are feeling okay in their house. 

So overall, what I am trying to say is that you should really trust the feeling you get after reading those first e-mails. 

Aupair advice: How to meet other aupairs.

If you are anything like me, one of your main worries will be about meeting other aupairs who you can hang out and spend time with. This will widely vary on your location.

There are some countries, like France, Germany and England where hiring aupairs is a very common thing. In these countries meeting other aupairs and being able to get together with them will be much easier, as you might have another aupair right next to your house. In the other hand, there are other countries where hosting au pairs is not such a common thing and where meeting other aupairs will be harder; Spain and Portugal for example are countries where hiring aupairs is not as common as it is in other countries. 

This will also depend on where your family lives. If you are going to stay in a big city or close to a big city it will be much easier to meet other auparis or exchange students who you will have lots of things in common with. If you are told that the host family lives in a small town away from any big cities keep in mind that finding other aupairs will be harder. But don't get me wrong, this can also mean that if you don't spend time with other aupairs you might spend more time with the host family getting to know other places and you might also make a group of local friends, which will be great for your experience!

If, as I said before, you are going to be living in a big city or close to one you can find a group of auparis in the area through Facebook; if you are going to be staying in Paris for example look for groups named "Aupairs Paris 2015" or "English speakers Paris" and you will find various groups of people you might enjoy meeting. 

Then again, if you sign up for a language course you wil get to meet other aupairs and foreigners who you can hang out with. 

And lastly, in big cities there are many clubs where they make aupair meet ups and who make monthly or semi-montly meet ups and who also make trips about twica a year.

So, in conclusion, if you are an open minded person and willing to meet new people, no matter where you go, you will for sure find people to spend time with.

Aupair advice: Crafts to make with children

When working as an aupair, you spend many hours with the children you are caring for. It is very easy to turn on the TV, have them watch it and stop worrying, but...
one: you weren't hired to have the kids watching TV while you spend hours with your cellphone.
and two: the kids will soon get bored and they will become harder to handle. 

Because of this, in the summer or whenever the weather is good, take the kids to a park, take a walk with them, go to the swimming pool or do any kind of outside activities you all enjoy. But... what if the weather is bad? Very often, specially during the winter, you will have to keep them home, so in order to keep them entertained, what better than doing some crafts with them? So here I am collecting a list of crafts you can do with things that can easily be found in the house.


Homemade clay (plasticine):

You will need:

• A cup of water.
• A spoonfull of oil.
• Three cups of flour.
• Food coloring. 

How to do it:

Mix together all the ingredientes except the flour and mix it all until you get an homogeneous mixture; make sure to add enough food coloring to have a bright colored micture once you add the flour. Slowly add the flour and mix it all; keep mixing until you get a mixture as thick as cookie dough. Mix until the color has spread to all the mixture, and you are done! Now the kids can play with it, and even if the little ones put it in their mouth they are safe, because this mixture is not toxic!

Stamps with potatoes:

This craft is very simple and the kids will have fun both making them and playing with them after they have been done. 

In order to make stamps with potatoes you will only need three things: potatoes, knifes (plastic knifes if you are going to let the kids use them) and liquid paint. First, cut the potatoes in half horizontally and once you have half a potatoe incise the shape you want on them. Once you have made all the shapes you wanted to do, paint the potatoes and use them as stamps! The kids will love it! 

Picture frames:

You will need:

• Cardboard.
• Paint (markers, liquid paint and others)
• Glue.
• Scissors. 
• A picture.

How to do it:

First cut the cardboard in the shape you want the picture frame to have; remember to make both the front and the back part. Now, together with the children decorate the cardboard, you can decorate it by painting it, by sadding stickers... feel free to use your imagination! Lastly paste the picture to the back part and then glue the front part too. Now all you need to do is find a spot where you can put the picture in the new homemade frame. 

Anti-stress balls.

These balls are great both to play with them and even to simply hold them and you only need 3 ingredients to make them: rice, balloons and a funnel.

First choose a balloon, fill it with rice (untill it is as big as an egg) by using the funnel and tie it with a small knot. Now take another balloon and cut the narrow part of it; then, cover the fist baloon with this second one. If you want to make the ball harder to break so that you don't run into a room full of rice on the floor (or even worse, have the parents come home and find their kids' room unexplainably covered in rice). 

This craft only takes two minutes and the kids will love to play with things that they created themselves. 

Colorfull sugar.

This craft is also very simple and the kids love it. I did it in class when I was 7 and I remember that my classmates and I loved it. The result of it is very nice and the kids can make it as a gift for their parents, they will feel incredibly proud of it!

You will need:

• Sugar.
• Chalk in different colors.
• A seethrough pot (plastic or glass) that has a lid. transparente.

How to do it:

Take some sugar (a handfull for instance), color it very well with chalk and put it appart from the rest of the sugar. Now do the same with as many colors as you want always making sure that the colros don't get mixed. Once you have colored all the sugar take it in parts and put it in the pot carefully so that the colors don't get mixed (if they do you will have a pot full of brownish sugar). Fill it in completely, and lastly close the lid very strongly. You will love the result! 

Let's bag our luggage.

Packing up all the stuff you are going to need for a whole year... Let's face it, it's IMPOSSIBLE. That is why we need to do two things: choose and minimize.

There will be many things you will need to buy once you get to your host country and others that you will have to manage without. But we need to pack up things that are absolutely necessary and those things that will be either hard to find or too expensive to buy in your host country. Here goes my list of what you should pack up:

• Basic clothing. Be realistic, you won't be able to take with you all the clothes you would like to take with you. Once you get to your "new home" you will end up buying lots of clothes and when you go back home you will probably leave many of those clothes in your host family's home. That's why it's convenient to choose a few clothing items that you really like and specially the clothes you feel that you will use most in your host country. Always check for the weather around the year in the area where you will be staying and choose the clothes to take with you wisely.

• Vanity kit. Don't pack everything that you will be using. Don't take shampooes, hair softeners, body lotions... with you, they will take too much space in your suitcase and they can be easily found in any supermarket. Take only specific or expensive things that you will need, like your favorite make up, or similar things. If you are are going to take hair dryers or straightening remember to make sure that the plugs in your hometown and in your host country are the same. 

• Computer. If you own a laptop take it with you. Being with your loved ones will be something you will miss much more than you ever imagined, specially on the first days. This is why e-mails, skype talks and every online contact will be more than necessary for you.

• Things that remind you of home. As I already mentioned, there will always be people from back home that you will miss. Take little things that remind you of them that you can put in your new room and feel like you are home when you look at them. Take some printed pictures, gifts they made for you, letters they wrote you before you left... Take with you little things that will help you feel like you are with your loved ones. 

• Gifts. Even though it is not a must, take some gifts for your host family, they will give you somethingfor sure when you leave, and a little gift will lead to a good start. For the kids, you can buy a book or a toy you think they might like, and in the case of babies you can buy them a blanket or some clothes you think the parents might like. And for the parents either typical food from your country or any kind of souvenir are great for a first gift.

• Bikini or bathing suit. They always come in handy. Even if you think you might never use it, you never know when a plan to a swimming pool or a trip to the beach might come up. A bikini doesn't take away any space in your suitcase and it is convenient to take one with you just in case.

• Winter accesories. If you are going to be living in a cold place take a pair of gloves and a winter hat with you. They don't take much space and if you take them with you, the morning you wake up and feel the cold weather out announcing that winter has come you will be prepared to face it.

• Medicine. You will not always be able to find all the medicines you need in your host country. So, I highly recommend taking with you all the medicine you will need on the first months.  

• Cell phone. Obviously, you will not be able to use your regular phone for your whole stay, as it would be too expensive. But I highly recommend taking your cell phone specially for the first day, so that you have a mean of communication in case things don't go as expected.

• Money. You don't know when you will have acces to a bank and remember that you will still have expenses before getting your first pay; so, it is very important to bring some money with you for your first stay.

To keep in mind when choosing a family

There are many things to keep in mind when choosinf a family, the importance of each of them depends on us, but I would deeply recommend to keep all of these in mind when deciding if a family is the right one for you:

• The parents: The first thing to metion and what I personally believe is the most important factor is the parents attitude towards you. When you look to profiles, try to find comments made by the parents about being willing to make the au pair feel like she is part of the family; this shows that they are not only looking for a housekeeper or a babysitter, but that they are interested in the cultural exchange and that you will be welcomed to participate with them in different family events. The connection you feel in the e-mail exchanges is also something to take into account. If from the beggining you feel like you don't click with each other find another family. Keep in mind that the first days you spend with the family you will feel vulnerable and that a good relationship with the family will be of great help in those moments.

• The children:  If you are one of those people who hates dirty diapers and who can't stand crying children don't consider choosing a family with babies. If, in the other hand, you are not an active person, who is also patiend and who is willing to run, get dirty and to play a thousand games, don't choose a family with older children who need to be entertained all the time. Most of your time in the host country wil be spent with the children you will be taking care of, so, keep in mind what kind of care those children will need and if you will be able to face those needs in a daily basis. 

• Where they live. If you hate the countryside and you are a city person, don't consider moving to a small town or to a house away from civilization. And obviously, if you are a country person who hates the stress and the movement of big cities and prefers the quiet and long walks with nobody around, you better not choose a family who lives in a big city. Both places have its advantages and disadvantages. Usually, the famillies who live in the countryside have bigger houses and more place to play, while most of the families living in big cities live in appartments. At the same time, living in a big city implies having many things to do both with the children and on your own or with friends; while in little towns or in the countryside the things you will be able to do are limited. 

• What will your duties be? Most families will ask you to help with some "light housework"; insist to the parents to specify which this will include. Some families might only ask you to pick up the toys the kids leave out, while others might ask for much more (cleaning the kids' rooms, doing laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning their dishes...). Always remember which tasks you are NOT supposed to be doing: cleaning and tidying up the parents' bedroom, doing big cleaning work, cleaning windows, doing the parents' laundry... Keep in ming that being an au pair means taking care of the children, not being a housekeeper.  

Should I be an au pair?

Ever since I discovered what being an au pair means I decided that sooner or later I would be one. I knew that when the right moment came I would pack up my things and move to another country to learn a new language while taking care of children.

I love traveling and I love children, so, the best combination of these two things is being an au pair. 

I had been thinking of being an au pair for years, I had almost left for summer long stays as an au pair, but due to different things that happened when it came to finding the best dates that would fit me, I ended up putting it off. My first intention was to work as an au pair during summers while being in college and as soon as I graduated to pack my stuff and to move for a whole year. 

But I ended up skipping the part of trying the experience on summer stays and jumped straight to starting this adventure on a year long stay. I just graduated from college and I am positive this is the right time. I am in one of those now or never times in my life, so I refused to put it off once again. 

But being an au pair is not for everybody, every thing has its pros and its cons, that is why I am going to list some of the basic requirements that in my opinion are necessary to be an au pair.

• Being passionate about children: This is, obviously, the basic requirement for being an au pair. The little ones you take care of will be the ones you will be spending most of the time with and as you will probably know, taking care of children is not an easy thing. While being an au pair you will be their mother, sister, friend and teacher all at once and this duty does not come without work. Unless you do this with all your heart you will soon give up and give an ending to the adventure. 

• To be willing to learn a new language. When you move to a country where a language other than yours is spoken you will need to learn the language in order to communicate. This can be hard and frustrating at first, but if you have your mind set on doing so and if you are willing to learn the language you will soon start to acquire it, and sooner than you expect it you will be able to understand and carry on any conversation.

• Having a bit of an adventurous soul. Being away from your loved ones, not knowing when you will see them again, starting over in a new country and having to learn a new language in order to communicate with the people around you requires of a little bit of an adventurous soul. There will be times when you will need to be strong, and sometimes you will not be able to keep it together anymore and you will cry. But for each of the hard times you will go through you will live a million great moments, and with a little bit of positivity and hope there will be nothing you won't be able to handle.

• Not being in it for the money. If what you expect is to earn a lot of money and to save up, being an au pair is not for you. If what you want is to earn and save yo money, you are better off finding a waitress job at a bar or restaurant in your hometown. There are lots of things about being an au pair, but earning lots of money is not one of them. Some families pay more than others, and you won't have to spend money in rent and food, but you will still have expenses. Going out means spending money, adapting to a new country and buying everything you will need will be expensive and traveling around will cost you great part of what you earn. So, if you are in it for the money, being an au pair is not for you.

• To be willing to live new experiences. You will go back home with thousands of stories to tell and you will live a million adventures that you were not expecting to live. You will remember this experience for years and you will go back home being a different person. And I know for a fact that people who are open to live new experiences and who face things with a positive attitude have a much better expecience.